I'm lost and stupid without you.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
