Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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