Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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