dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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