I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
