The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
