Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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