I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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