watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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