Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize