How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
