Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
