I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
