Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
