My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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