Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
