Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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