Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
