btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
