Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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