operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Randomize
