I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
