there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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