i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My dick has a subreddit
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize