just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
