your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
