It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
third nipple confirmed
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
