i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
