just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You left your phone here
Wait...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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