I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize