3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
