He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
