If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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