The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
