I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
