OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
