Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
