if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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