i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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