my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
