Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
