so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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