and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize