I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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