Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
