I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
