just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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