i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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