NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
