sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You've changed since you got that strap on
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
