Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I will pee on everything he values.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
