I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
