I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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