All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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