Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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