I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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