i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize