come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
