Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
