I am in a vortex of obligation.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
