Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
