Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
