Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
