ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm passing your future prison.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Randomize
