Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
