My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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