Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
