big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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