At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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