my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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