Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
