You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
