I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
