In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
