girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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