just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
