If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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