So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize