I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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