Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
