I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
This girl is more easily done than said...
i just google imaged poop.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize