I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
