Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize