Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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