well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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