So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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