awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My breasts were aching with rage.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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