My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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