also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
