I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
