my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
