Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
