it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I smell stomach acid.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
