im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize