I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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