Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
