I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
