We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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