Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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