just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
