i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
