He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
