Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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