just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
